Closing in on Ourselves

 

Sometimes I wonder what is this obsession and guilt we place on emotions, when we feel down, as though we are not allowed to feel sad, to be vulnerable, and sensitive. Immediately we have to deny it. Just because one person came up with this term everyone says,”look at the lesson behind it,” “there must be some lesson you aren’t seeing,” what if there isn’t any f…..g lesson? YES there most certainly could be! For sure! However, what if sometimes there is and other times not? We always have an answer for everything! A judgment instead of just being.

”Suffering is just created in your mind,” how do you know? How do we know? Do we know? Judgments, points of views, conclusions we make instead of accepting and being. Maybe it is so,  and maybe not. Maybe one moment it is, the other it is something else. We miss the point. These generalizations act as poisons poisons to our being. They block and stop the flow. We are all different. We are all unique, you never know. The only way you will “know” is being it, not making any conclusions, and being open to whatever you might be shown.

 

I for one am starting to notice how guilty I begin to feel and how I go into self judgment when I am not feeling good, I deny my sensitivity, my vulnerability, and innocence. ”I shouldn’t be hurt,” “be this or that,” but yet that IS who I am …I am EXTREMELY vulnerable and open…I might try to be tough and deny but that is not really who I am…it does not work.

 

I try to deny it sometimes because people are threatened by this. The only result is not caring for myself. Other people’s vulnerabilities could open up their vulnerabilities, but people are afraid. They are afraid to feel sadness or pain as if it is something bad, when it is not, that is how we turn it into something bad, by judging it, again solidifying it within our bodies, instead of allowing them to flow in and out, to express, to be the breeze they are….the water…the fluidity. We take the water and build a dam, trapping them, trapping them within us turning it into something entirely different. A river flowing beautifully, naturally, now it is like oops blockage! Wait! Fish might get messed up, the water not irrigating properly, creating an unnatural turmoil.

 

Why do we always have to make reasons for some things? Why do we have the need to have answers for everything? Fear of not knowing? What if it just is at that moment in time? What if it is ok to feel like that, or be like whatever you feel at that moment? Who f….g cares why? It IS THERE! that’s the point! “Oh no unknown what is this? I have to find a reason it scares me!” Ironically then blocking it so we can never discover it and it be known to us. We make it unknown because we have already stopped it from coming through, concluded, judged it, and there it will remain always. Yet it could have been the simplest thing in the world and a beautiful discovery and adventure.

 

It is as if we are in a room. The door knocks. Fear strikes our hearts we are uncomfortable because we do not know who is there. We start thinking well it could be a murderer, it could be a thief, I didn’t invite anyone so it must be bad. The door keeps knocking. The person never exits the room because of fear of who might be behind the door. He remains behind the door forever. All he knows is this room, this fear, all emotions and thoughts build and build up within that room they have nowhere to go. It all remains there for as long as the person decides to stay in that room. Yet behind the door there could be a magical waterfall, endless fields, a best friend.

 

Why do we have this need to block everything? Block ourselves? We judge everything, we make conclusions about everything, closing every single door around us, so we are stuck in a box, with all those emotions all those thoughts nothing can come in or out. Humans are so hilarious. Sometimes I want to just scream! Yes I do. Sometimes I want to laugh, and sometimes I want to cry.

People don’t express and do what they need to do to release and be themselves because we judge ourselves and these things. There is NOTHING wrong with crying, laughing, singing, being joyful, feeling pain, screaming, jumping, dancing, walking, or anything. Do not deny yourself of you, of your body and what it requires to be healthy and happy. We are not going to always feel great or miserable. You have a right to feel hurt just as much as you have the right to be joyful about something.

Whatever you feel embrace it, play with it, ask it what it would like to say, be, or express.

We cannot make generalizations about anyone or anything, we are not the other and the other is not us. Our feelings, our emotions, experiences, gifts, and pains are all unique.

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